English reading 009

Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty… And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

by Aziz Gazipura

Some points I like:

1. Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of a fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval.
2. This is what being nice is. It’s monitoring yourself to make sure you come across in a pleasing manner and don’t offend anyone. It’s making sure others like you and don’t have any negative feelings.
3. At its core, being nice is about being liked by others by making everything smooth.
4. The opposite of nice is being real. It’s being direct, honest, and truthful. It’s saying what you really think, expressing how you really feel, and sharing what’s true for you in that moment. This authenticity allows others to see and know the real you, which allows you to really feel love and connection.
5. The opposite of nice is knowing who you are, what you believe in, and what you value. It’s you being powerful and going after what you want because you are no longer held back by the fear of what others will think of you. It’s you being fierce, determined, and courageous. It’s you being your best self.
6. I can choose to say yes, and I can choose to say no. I can hold back and keep quiet, or I can ask a tough question that challenges someone. If someone close to me is doing something that annoys me, I can bring it up and talk about it. When I really want something and the first response I get is a no, I ask questions and see if the other person is open to changing their mind. I’m completely free to choose exactly how I want to be in this moment, based on what feels right to me. I am the decider. I am the creator of my life.
7. I’m going to face whatever discomfort I need to face, learn whatever it is I need to learn, do whatever it takes to feel more confident, powerful, and capable.
8. “I am realizing that when we try to be nice, and try to be liked, we end up being repulsive across all areas of life.” — K.B.
9. “The level of your commitment is measured not by what you say ‘yes’ to, but what you say ‘no’ to.” — Rich Litvin